I metamorphosed into a little porcelain figurine
with human apertures and a soul stuck in my throat
crouching in a grown man’s cold sweaty hand
*
I used my eyes
to lay my soul’s starvation bare
only vampires could see me
*
in your presence
that fuelled an entire room
I shrank
because you want women to fit in your pocket
*
I was taught to throttle my voice
in a knot around my tongue
when you were terrorising the kitchen table
*
I built an altar for the dead
not knowing
that the dead could still harm me in the form of the living
*
you’ve left scars on your offspring
and scars have always had a revelatory storytelling nature
*
I pushed myself to grow into
a woman’s body of my own making
according to nobody else’s rules and restrictions and prohibitions
*
when you whispered good night
I realised that all my nightmares
are in my own body
*
my spirit speaks to me
in body parts
I can’t even decipher myself
*
I am my own rabbit hole
that someone else distorted to my disadvantage
*
if you’re outside of your own body
someone else will get in and take advantage
of somebody else’s skin
*
people always do what they want
when they’re in hiding
*
I’ve seen who you needed to be
*
I’ve felt your jaw around my face
and understood that the darkness doesn’t stop
*
you’ve blown my fear of you out of proportion to such a degree
that whatever weapon I’d hold against you to protect myself
would be useless because in my thoughts you’ve made yourself unconquerable
Croque-Melpomene 