you told me to grin
touching me
hurting me
you told me to grin
*
I defended the cheating man
because he put his trust in me
because he turned a vice into a virtue in his mouth
and I believed them all since birth
they have raised my faithlessness
*
I blamed wives for not doing what they’re told
and men’s opinions turn my mouth acidic
betrayal knows a lot of forms
*
I was a child in a woman’s body
and they were men who wanted to play
I thought I knew how to
*
I was convinced that it must be her fault
if everything’s wrong with him
*
responsibility is a shirt worn and torn and overused
but sets itself on fire when it is asked to stand in sunlight
*
he slowed down the car
stopped the car
a street away from my house
I still pointed the finger at my house
his hand found my knee
the married man
I was still an employee
the voices of men who taught me
took over my facial features
don’t be rude
he drove you all the way home
be a nice girl
be a good girl
don’t you dare be rude, girl
grin, girl
even if it hurts
*
I don’t do silent pacts
*
they controlled my face
so it wouldn’t defend my body
*
the outside world can’t see the inside world
*
and it was conveyed to me early in life
that girls are dutiful
and duties overrule consent
Croque-Melpomene 