you’ve woven a fairy tale
out of the fabric of a horror story
*
and why would the threads slowly disappear?
*
I retrace our patterns
she waited for you to die
*
they compared life and death
one of them didn’t seem as bad
*
I never thought that we’d voluntarily fall apart
I remember children who thought they could conquer the whole world
I believed the life in their faces
I didn’t know how close death really was
an exit
a helping hand
an option
always close by
children befriending their own corpses
to know what peace looks like
*
I knew death before anything else
*
what can you say to someone
who is convinced that death, not life, is their best friend?
*
why force me to live
why forbid me to die
who do you think you are
y o u
n e v e r
k n o w
*
it was a very easy decision
that seemed incomprehensible to everyone else
*
what world have we created
in which people say
t h i s
i s
n o t
f o r
m e
and leave the stage
*
they never got a chance to play
*
you pulled my strings
knot after knot
playing with scissors
pushing my buttons
and always looked at me
in amazement and entertainment
w h y
a r e
y o u
n o t
d y i n g
*
I grew up under the chorus phrase
I’ll kill myself
*
and when you said that to a child
to me
I knew that it meant
and it will be your fault
*
and I searched for blood on my hands
*
why am I here
I’m confused
then
*
you made a spectacle out of your projected death
casual d i s a p p e a r an c e branding itself into my brain
*
I was born guilty
*
she let go of herself first
and motherhood ceased to exist
*
she wanted you gone
the thought tasted like medicine
*
you could never be born
once she killed you inside
*
you have sucked her soul out
with your niceties and cuddles and approaches
she’s a house on fire
*
with every piece of death
I become emptier
and fuller
*
how can you leave
with your life being unspoken
*
graves are fuller
than houses
*
you took e v e r y t h i n g
and said
now go live your lives
see how far you’ll get
with a grin
Croque-Melpomene 