raised in your skin | my name in your mouth | tongue/death | body/transgressive | a poem made out of ashes

you’ve woven a fairy tale

out of the fabric of a horror story

*

and why would the threads slowly disappear?

*

I retrace our patterns

she waited for you to die

*

they compared life and death

one of them didn’t seem as bad

*

I never thought that we’d voluntarily fall apart

I remember children who thought they could conquer the whole world

I believed the life in their faces

I didn’t know how close death really was

an exit

a helping hand

an option

always close by

children befriending their own corpses

to know what peace looks like

*

I knew death before anything else

*

what can you say to someone

who is convinced that death, not life, is their best friend?

*

why force me to live

why forbid me to die

who do you think you are

y o u

n e v e r

k n o w

*

it was a very easy decision

that seemed incomprehensible to everyone else

*

what world have we created

in which people say

t h i s

i s

n o t

f o r

m e

and leave the stage

*

they never got a chance to play

*

you pulled my strings

knot after knot

playing with scissors

pushing my buttons

and always looked at me

in amazement and entertainment

w h y

a r e

y o u

n o t

d y i n g

*

I grew up under the chorus phrase

I’ll kill myself

*

and when you said that to a child

to me

I knew that it meant

and it will be your fault

*

and I searched for blood on my hands

*

why am I here

I’m confused

then

*

you made a spectacle out of your projected death

casual d i s a p p e a r an c e branding itself into my brain

*

I was born guilty

*

she let go of herself first

and motherhood ceased to exist

*

she wanted you gone

the thought tasted like medicine

*

you could never be born

once she killed you inside

*

you have sucked her soul out

with your niceties and cuddles and approaches

she’s a house on fire

*

with every piece of death

I become emptier

and fuller

*

how can you leave

with your life being unspoken

*

graves are fuller

than houses

*

you took e v e r y t h i n g

and said

now go live your lives

see how far you’ll get

with a grin

Photo by Alexander Ant on Pexels.com

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