raised in your skin | my name in your mouth | tongue/death | body/transgressive | a poem made out of ashes

you’ve woven a fairy tale

out of the fabric of a horror story


and why would the threads slowly disappear?


I retrace our patterns

she waited for you to die


they compared life and death

one of them didn’t seem as bad


I never thought that we’d voluntarily fall apart

I remember children who thought they could conquer the whole world

I believed the life in their faces

I didn’t know how close death really was

an exit

a helping hand

an option

always close by

children befriending their own corpses

to know what peace looks like


I knew death before anything else


what can you say to someone

who is convinced that death, not life, is their best friend?


why force me to live

why forbid me to die

who do you think you are

y o u

n e v e r

k n o w


it was a very easy decision

that seemed incomprehensible to everyone else


what world have we created

in which people say

t h i s

i s

n o t

f o r

m e

and leave the stage


they never got a chance to play


you pulled my strings

knot after knot

playing with scissors

pushing my buttons

and always looked at me

in amazement and entertainment

w h y

a r e

y o u

n o t

d y i n g


I grew up under the chorus phrase

I’ll kill myself


and when you said that to a child

to me

I knew that it meant

and it will be your fault


and I searched for blood on my hands


why am I here

I’m confused



you made a spectacle out of your projected death

casual d i s a p p e a r an c e branding itself into my brain


I was born guilty


she let go of herself first

and motherhood ceased to exist


she wanted you gone

the thought tasted like medicine


you could never be born

once she killed you inside


you have sucked her soul out

with your niceties and cuddles and approaches

she’s a house on fire


with every piece of death

I become emptier

and fuller


how can you leave

with your life being unspoken


graves are fuller

than houses


you took e v e r y t h i n g

and said

now go live your lives

see how far you’ll get

with a grin

Photo by Alexander Ant on Pexels.com

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