ActionFigure | A Poem

I pretended to not be me

I made myself believe

that I was who they asked me to be

the role that made them like me

the part that put a smile on adults’ faces

the face that took you in

despite the gut screaming no


you made me

not listen to my own body




the word


from you


women were

not supposed

to say no

to you


you internalised yes

to such a degree

that a no sounded



you taught me

that what I say

doesn’t mean anything








I am sick of their faces

the disintegration

the degeneration

I am growing old against them


I unbury the past

so that I can name the graves


if only I would stand as firmly behind

all the actions of my past

as I stand behind my poetry


you don’t deserve the big picture


nobody knows my mistakes better than I do

and I decide what makes them mistakes


do you think that I need your conscience instead of mine?


where do we stand now

you and I


I don’t know how to approach

a liar who believes in his own lies


and thinks I’m insane

for taking a step back


in your head

there’s only one perspective

and it has never been more than that

and yet you invite me over

and lock the door


you thought you were so smart

acting like my father

“Interior with Young Man Reading” by Vilhelm Hammershøi (1864-1916)

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