I tried to make my peace with you and
Your actions when I didn’t know how.
I tried to focus on everything that went on
Beneath the rage, the outburst, the violence
In the air that I inhaled, mouth to mouth,
Gut to gut, but it came at a price,
I saw how broken you were inside and why,
And you realised my understanding and abused it,
Played with it, you mastered fire, my compassion,
In your hands, draining me, your mouth kept
Raging and punching, your body kept annihilating,
I dove into my empathy, for you, not for myself, and
Let you in, let you twist everything inside,
Tearing me apart, exhaust your welcome,
I tried to find peace, a cure for your behaviour,
Against me, against my body, everything that looked like you.
You never let go of your hate.
I let you feed me with it.
I tried to find a drop of goodness in it
That I could eventually transform into someting
That was of my own creation.
I didn’t know that I had to get away,
That I had to scrape you off my body.
You exasperated the bodies of women
And didn’t stop at the body of your mother
Everything started there
The body of your sister
Sickness to sickness
The body of your wife
Doing what you wanted
In the name of love
You had no idea
The body of your daughter
Lines are drawn, slowly, there to stay.
I concentrated so much on the causes of the fire
That I died a hundred deaths because I swallowed your smoke.