In Memoriam: There Will Always Be Five Of Us: A Poem

I know that you’re listening.

And I thank you for that.

I play your song, our song, and

I look at you. I focus on you,

Doing what I’m doing and I feel

That you’re trying to make me smile.


I hear your voice in my head.

What you would say. What you

Would do. I didn’t see this coming.

Neither did you. One day, one moment.

The time had come. You were anything but

Emptiness. I looked up to you in many ways.

I won’t let you disappear. What you have given

Remains. What you still are and have always

Been, remains. What I have always known and loved

Is still there, still with me.


When I heard what happened to you

I thought that I couldn’t survive this

Pain, my heart burst out of my chest,

Take it out, take it out, it hurts too much,

Scratched my chest, a jumper too tight, my skin,

This is a pain that nobody should feel,

I never thought that I would have to feel it,

And I shouted, who you were, your name,

And I asked myself how I would survive another day?


It’s been a week. I saved the part of me that

I thought died with you, it’s our bond, our love,

It’s your gift to me, something holy that I will

Nurture, you taught and gave so much, everything

You gave cannot be forgotten or thrown away, who

You were and what you were changed forms and

Visibility, but you’re still here, you’re listening,

You always have been, you’re ongoing, you’re

Air, fire, earth and water, written between the lines,

Smiling at me and I’m feeling it in my heart.


I miss you, but you’re within me.

I hold your objects, wear your clothes,

Feel you on me, something to touch,

For my senses, my hands, but our souls

Are together, as they always have been,

They see one another, they dance with each other,

They’re inseparable and we hold one another

As we think about each other, love each other,

Still and always, my body hums in accordance

With your presence, otherworldly, uncontaminated, free.

brown metal cage with lighted candle
Photo by Craig Adderley on

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