I sat there, outside, life went on,
It hurt that life went on, people
Were laughing, sunbathing, living,
But it’s also what I needed to hear,
Life going on. I just cannot stomach
Your absence in mine, in the world
The way we experience it.
She said to me that one day when I look
At you (you’re everywhere in my flat)
I will smile before I cry. My love is a light
That shines on you, that is with you, no matter
Where you go, no matter what you do, I’m here,
And yes I have to let you go, but I will not take
Your pictures off my wall, not put you in a drawer,
You are a part of me, always have been, and the loss
Of your life will never be a loss, not in my hands.
I speak to you, I write to you, I put seashells on your heart.
I meet you at the beach, I meet you when I dream.
I sat in a garden today and cried and talked about you
And a bird seeking its family came, injured I don’t know,
Learning how to fly, on its own, something happened there
And a woman came and played the cello and I felt you there
The music running through my body, a sound from you,
And the wind rustled and I cried and smiled and she felt it too,
There you are in all your beauty, your presence, golden.