shutdown | a poem about grief

I am trying to figure out

what your death means

every single day

*

when your life comes back to me

heatwaves to the stomach

your death renews itself

you have ended

ended yourself

in the air that I breathe

*

and your pain is in my body still

I sit in a crowded humid bus

on my way home from work

and I look at a boy talking to another boy

and he reminds me of a bully you’ve had to face

and then it kicks back into gear

a punch in the stomach

you’ve wiped yourself off the map

a landscape unvisited, unknown, irreparable

the footsteps have stopped

fire the body consumes

the broken pieces now unfamiliar, unknowable, unbearable

why didn’t you just come home?

My own drawing © Laura Gentile 2022 | Instagram: croque_melpomene

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