shutdown | a poem about grief

I am trying to figure out

what your death means

every single day


when your life comes back to me

heatwaves to the stomach

your death renews itself

you have ended

ended yourself

in the air that I breathe


and your pain is in my body still

I sit in a crowded humid bus

on my way home from work

and I look at a boy talking to another boy

and he reminds me of a bully you’ve had to face

and then it kicks back into gear

a punch in the stomach

you’ve wiped yourself off the map

a landscape unvisited, unknown, irreparable

the footsteps have stopped

fire the body consumes

the broken pieces now unfamiliar, unknowable, unbearable

why didn’t you just come home?

My own drawing © Laura Gentile 2022 | Instagram: croque_melpomene

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