I am trying to figure out
what your death means
every single day
*
when your life comes back to me
heatwaves to the stomach
your death renews itself
you have ended
ended yourself
in the air that I breathe
*
and your pain is in my body still
I sit in a crowded humid bus
on my way home from work
and I look at a boy talking to another boy
and he reminds me of a bully you’ve had to face
and then it kicks back into gear
a punch in the stomach
you’ve wiped yourself off the map
a landscape unvisited, unknown, irreparable
the footsteps have stopped
fire the body consumes
the broken pieces now unfamiliar, unknowable, unbearable
why didn’t you just come home?
Croque-Melpomene 