you blended in with your environment
it took the heart out of your chest
fugitive soul, sunshine lost, parasitic now
as long as you’re in my house, took my breath away
everybody trusts an effortless act in a clean white shirt
socialite, conversationalist, all your forces of enchantment
you take chunk after chunk because you have none left
what you interpret as accusatory defamation
is reconciliatory truth, her mouth wide open, finally
you blended in with your environment to stand still in a figment of peace
but the roof fell on our heads, the heart that was torn
the heart that disappeared, the forces of elimination
and you erred and erred, dead alleys in your mind
the skull too fragile for the wall after wall after wall
predatory minds painted skies auburn red in clean white shirts
in the cards, scar tissue, hadal fingernails, I can’t get you out of there
because I’m in there with you
you never wanted to be alone in your own body
you blended in, tied in, tighter and tighter, blood loss
your body comes closer, your mind drifts away
your mind takes over, your body is ebbing away
necessitous man, I don’t know where you are taking us
and I force myself to not need you
force my childhood to end, to not need you
held on for as long as I could
that was but one side
others saw a woman in me before I did
before I was
an adolescent
grow up
grow up
and there was a voice from a suppressed future
it was one of mine
that said you need to leave
you need to be on your own
and I tore myself to pieces
fragments, everyone got the one they wanted
and I limped and stuttered and mourned
I whispered as I grew older why don’t you come back to me
her name, relinquished, meant something different to different people
unrecognisable, who are you talking about
that doesn’t sound like her
I’ll make it out of the books
you won’t look at me again
the stories they tell
tucked myself away
I ran away before the flood arose
head against the roof
the good I conserved
squeezed between the weight of lettered paper
a flowerbody preserved
skeletal, arrested, past stuck in the present
this is what I looked like
from the outside
or the inside
what did I see
what do you see
Eurydice’s corset sheets
Croque-Melpomene 