I gave myself away
without knowing who I was at all
*
I was moulded by all the terrors you tried to conceal
*
even your half-smiles felt superior to the rest of the world
*
empathy thief
*
you preached that I had no place in the world
and I believed you for too long
*
very early in my childhood
who I was
and who you wanted and not wanted me to be
clashed
*
everything you silenced from your past
resurrected through my mouth
*
everything undealt with
developed a new shape
*
and it resembled you too much
but now swallowing wouldn’t suffice
*
keeping me safe was never a priority of yours
*
she knows too much, feels too much, speaks too much
what did you expect
feeding me with your shed skins
*
life and death are manmade words
*
I walked through the men’s clothing department
I wondered if people ever stopped shopping
and then right next to me I saw a jacket
on a white shiny surface
a jacket that looked like the one
you loved and wore
when they put you to rest
in your coffin
the one you wore when you were so alive
the one you took with you into the fire
jeans and flesh
all ashes
the sleeves, armless, handless
I stood still and turned around
and saw you with your eyes half-shut
and told myself on my way to work
yes, this is a fact
but you have existed
and this is your way of saying hello
Croque-Melpomene 