I was born with mould on my limbs
staring at extinguished stars
head in plastic bags
*
the lips were blue
death was in the room
I lay sexualised
and understood that I was a girl
what I meant to others
they were reproducing representations of their imagination
and my forms would do
transparent sheets over me
invisible
this is you
from now on
only this
don’t move
hide the face
hide the stomach
let me see this
and that
my body didn’t have a name yet
*
they conveyed to me
this is your power
and I made it grow strong
faithfully
according to other people’s ideas and ideals
but I comprehended
that my self-sufficient power
could be broken in two in a heartbeat
if they wanted it to
never innate, never solitary
but imposed and patronised
*
I saw in men’s eyes
who they wanted me to be
and it pecked at my soul
*
I put a man’s mouth on mine
to sound impenetrable and filthy
to increase their comfort
and my fake man’s mouth
attacked my own sex to please and attract
and they’d change their language
change their dispositions like devils in a mirror labyrinth
for a woman with a woman’s mouth
but she’d never be safe
their faces were never real
their throats were full of trash
who were they
and who was I
the only real thing was cutting edge shards called performance
Croque-Melpomene 