deadbeat tailor seat | copy paste lips | a poem that hasn’t aged one bit

dreams are upcycled images

where the dead are alive once more

*

half-eaten food on a deserted plate

in a city that I thought I knew inside out

but I feel the same and it seems to change

around me and I don’t feel like I’m fully in it

*

I don’t know whether I am what is in my head

or whether what is in my head doesn’t know what I can do

*

monetise

monetise

monetise

what are you worth

*

I want to know why I am alive

not how I should survive

*

I am a higher force

cramped into a human body

and in it it’s hard to not succumb

to the human terror machinery

*

that gets me down

gets me down so hard

makes me despair

makes me feel helpless

makes me feel worthless

*

job after job after job after job

they don’t want me to live

they need me to function

they condemn quick and obvious murder

but not the slow-burning hidden kind

that happens all around us all the time

legalised monetised idealised capitalised

*

how can life depend on money

*

everyone pretends to care

because they don’t know how to

*

I don’t look like the wreck they anticipated

so it can’t be that bad

they came to see a performance

what they saw on television

just live in the flesh

how can that be so disappointing

there are no effects

no perfect lines

just the truth hitting them in the face

and they are so numb

they can’t even perceive it

*

there’s disappointment in her

there’s revulsion in him

both have long legs

tailor seat

powerful and overwhelming

directed at me

but they come from an old place

older than myself

and yet I’m the recipient

sometimes I think they are not in their own bodies

someone else is

lots of others are

and they can’t even see me

looking at them

trying to understand why I’m so wrong

and their eyes feel absent

letting someone else through

and we’re going somewhere

and someone can’t get through me

and electricity fails

disappointment is an aging ghost

revulsion is a stubborn curse

they eat their children ever after

My own drawing © Laura Gentile 2021 | Instagram: @melpomenepaintings

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