sucked in | a poem

the ashes stopped cascading into the hole

barely filling the hole

and I thought

this can’t be it

*

I worked and smiled and served

in a body that broke with yours

*

all I wanted was for you to get off my back

I don’t bite the hand that mistreats me

I

e a t

i t

a l i v e

*

I wasted my words

they just fell off your invisible wall

and you made me believe that they actually made it over

*

I stood where he stood

one of us is still standing there

*

u n f a t h o m a b l e

*

how do you sleep at night

*

sometimes I sense his hand around my shoulder

I close my eyes and sing to him

and I know he’s right in front of me

I can tell

I smell you on my skin

*

were you who you were meant to be

or the man people expected you to be

blind to the scars

blind to the wounds

blind to deepest sadness

blind to the lonely sense of not belonging

what

am

I

doing

here