you convinced the whole world
that you are a victim
and I raised my voice against a chorus
*
you distributed yourself
forcefully
into every child
because you
y o u
wanted to stay alive
*
and I’d see your rot
on her face
*
and she’d become your ugliness
and you felt betrayed by your self-involved sense of beauty
and you turned your back on her
that’s not what you wanted
that’s not how you see yourself
that’s not how you want to be remembered
*
you brought a child into this world
and moulded her and moulded her
until she was no longer herself
and bore your signs
your mental illness
you made her yours
she never belonged to herself
*
you accumulated possessions
and I swallowed your emptiness
*
from your threatening body
into hands on my head that pushed me downwardly
*
under your roof
into cars and cars
and parking lots
and cathedral yards
*
I am your daughter in public
and you can’t stand it
*
you only know the things
that I’d never tell you
you know
because you put yourself in me
to admire yourself in the female form
but I see disappointment and self-revulsion on your face
*
one body played dead
the other exhausted itself
c o n c e i v e ( d ) me
*
you pressured my sexuality
into a slaughterhouse
and sold me in pieces
one by one by one
to the highest bidder
yours to possess
yours to give away
yours to deny and regulate
define and insulate
infiltrate annihilate
*
a woman who does not serve you
has no right to her sexuality
*
they served you all
you made it happen
sexualisation knows no blood
*
subtlety threat tiptoed
love language disobient
facechange eruption
withdrawal violence
and there he is
Croque-Melpomene 