I tried finding
Love
In the body
Called father,
I tried finding
Everything
Fatherly
In your body
Language.
The act of
Your body
And mine
Against mine.
All bodies fatherly
Rubbing against mine,
Into corners,
Into survival mode,
Screaming matches,
Running away from each other’s minds.
You buried your past
And fought with your dead.
They lived in our house.
They told me what to do.
You shoved your voice down my throat.
On my knees.
And I ran,
Ran away in my mind,
Standing still, talking to shadows,
Holding on,
The key in my door.
Your mouth at the keyhole.
Whispers, on your knees,
I’ve always had enough,
Of you,
The sound of you,
The violence,
The stampede of dialect,
The absence of language,
Love abused, love overused, love inexistent,
You needed and needed and drank and got drunk
With me on all fours, gagging, holding myself together
To not shatter
Under your weight.
You broke and built
According to the sick world in your head.
I didn’t correspond.
I blew myself up
And apart,
It has never been me.
Not in your arms,
Yours,
Never,
Yours,
The animal within,
The dead within,
The ghosts singing songs
that I have never heard,
Never known,
The words in my bones,
The fork in your hand,
The blade across my skin,
Count your sins,
Embody yourself,
I’ve crawled out of the confessional box
With my hands clean,
Of you and what you thought of me
Since you created me.
Croque-Melpomene 