The sun is shining. I’m sure you feel the heat too.
I didn’t sleep well. I wish you were still alive.
You’re in every room that I walk into.
Did you think it would be this way?
What went on in your head?
Your life belonged to you.
Not for us to keep, determine its outlines.
I still have your books beside me.
I can’t read them yet.
A month ago. I still heard your voice in June.
I’m moving on with you by my side.
I won’t let my brother disintegrate in the past.
In my body, in my mind, in my memory.
There you shall live pain-free, safely, amongst light and love.
There I’ll hold you, as closely as we need.
You weren’t born to disappear.
Your time hasn’t run out within me.
I wash my face with your products.
I have your soap bars in my closet.
My face smells like yours, smells like mine.
One moment amongst the many.
I’ve felt how life had deserted your body.
I will never forget how my hands felt on your forehead.
How my lips felt on your forehead.
How I carried the smell that wasn’t yours around me for days
And brought you back to life in my own head.