Men appear by my side, they feel like
You, the little things I liked about you,
On your good days, the way you used to dress,
The way you smelled, your glasses, the way
You combed your hair, maybe there is a
Way back to love, without the sound, without
Letting you in on your worst days, keeping these
Little holy things that I held on to to see the light
That you suffocated within you, but I have always seen it.
These men appear and sometimes I pretend
That I didn’t see them, that the thought of you
Didn’t cross my mind, that I don’t know that you’re
There, in that horrible room, and I’m here, safe from
What you cannot be anymore, and yet, it had always
Been your mind, you see, the body I could handle,
But it was the mind, the voice, the whole act that
Almost crushed me, I would never go back to that.
And yet these men appear and I don’t know what to do,
Somehow, exactly, I look at their shoes, what they purchase,
And they take me to you, maybe in the safest way,
A route where love can just be without intimacy, without
Speech and touch. I take you there. Not the other way around.
You want my body to be present, my mind open, but that
Will not happen. We meet each other like this, through these
Unknown men who disappear after an instant,
Who reveal to me a love amputated from all the
Hardships and in this realm it can live, it may live, and maybe you
Feel it too, and they reappear.