I waited for you in front of locked doors.
Questions surrounding your absence that
Never found answers or explanations.
A comatose bond, aching in silence, in death
Upon skin and hair, through your body into mine.
Twitching across misunderstandings, violence
On our tongues, eruption and self-defence.
You incarnated terror and compassion, you,
The endlessly cryptic embodiment of contradictions.
Stumbling across our bodies, punching and loving,
Maybe, we never learned how in each other’s presence.
When I wanted you away from me, you held on to me.
You pulled and begged. I finally found my own voice again.
I could finally breathe. You still made me feel uncomfortable.
You want me to get stuck in your rhythm. You want me to come
Back. I cannot let you take over my body again. Let you use it
For your purposes. You cross lines, you ignore alarm signs.
I look at you through glass. I’ve felt you enough for a lifetime.
I’ve been left alone with the scars that you burned into my skin.
The broken rotten eggs leaking within my mind, that you shattered
And distributed, vandalising every part of me, I carried you around,
Until I amputated what caused me an unbearable and irrepressible
Suffering that had never been mine and always belonged to you.