Unloved. Unseen. Neglected.
Love: something to look for, something to find, something rare, without me, outside of my body, something abstract yet concrete, inhumane but innate, constructs that resonate in all the wrong ways, comparison and competition, envy and obsession, failure and depression.
Misinterpretation: thinking I’m straightforward, getting under everybody’s skin, rubbing them the wrong way, must change, myself, not good enough, not kind enough, must adapt, copy others, but I don’t like them, but they are popular, but everybody’s talking behind their backs, so at least they’re heard and seen, crouched in a corner I shrank myself into a corset that’d never fit.
Care: giving in to voices that didn’t mean well, getting robbed of my defence mechanisms, tricked into compliance, infuriated when called stupid, accepting guilt and shame into my body, force-fed, overweight, alien baggage into me, relocated, out of sight, out of mind, I’m supposed to be the problem, nobody is on my side, questioning my words and actions, I drew and sang and screamed and kicked, you thought that I was a rebel when you needed to be one and open your eyes and realise that your gut was right.