I’d associate you with songs that I used to love,
Blemish them because your face would pop up,
Your voice back in the pigsty in the back of my head,
The miserable memories with you I carry around with me.
I’d love to kick you out of my system, but my body
Needs you to detect future red flags. You’re of service still.
I’d play the songs and feel the pain and make them mine again,
Superimposing your image with better ones.
Believe me, I felt the heat in my gut, the accelerated heartbeat,
Walked the dreadful steps through you and away from you.
I’d raise the volume and sing you out of me. The hungry devils
That brought you on my path.
I wish your name were a dandelion so I could blow you into the wind.
See you and the hurt you caused, all of your baggage, disintegrate
In front of my eyes, trust me, we both would be freed.
The only thing that you were ever able to give was a tightening rope around my neck.
You were so convinced that you knew me so well.
I’m glad that I never gave you that possibility.
I never let you in that way. I’m glad we both lived a lie.
At least mine protected me from the uncontrollable wildfires you inflict.
I made it out in time. I had to step into the valley to make it up
The mountaintop. You’d never walk on your own two feet, you’d
Pull and drag, fall back and draw everybody into your lair of
Misery so that you could latch yourself onto them.
When I looked at you not quite eye to eye, I almost
Fell apart out of fear and submission. You look so
Small and petulant from up here, stealing other people’s
Laurels and crowning yourself with the dirt in your heart.