You panted a crime into my ear,
Unalterable vowels and consonants,
An itch would stir and question why
I was being raised by you. Waiting for
An arrow to stick. Injure my body
So you can play the saviour.
Eat, eat, eat it, like a beast, your parental
Voice that pretended to be well-intentioned.
The sound of you, a repercussion in my
Imitations, mockery and flickering stardust.
Wet sand in sheer darkness, buried by the weight
Of suffocated water. Shipwrecked skins and bones
The heart of a young girl, lying in bed, not knowing
Where you are, unprotected, her body is taught to say yes.
I’ve been thrust against the tarmac of my childhood street
That I tried to overrule with my hands, the colours on them,
The joys still shimmering through my memories with you in my
Brain. You had no idea of love in its entirety. You glued women
To your dick. I saw your thoughts. And you felt almighty.
You robbed me blind, whispering, caresses, harness, criminal
Intimacy, I could neither bark nor bite, just sleep and survive.
You taught me everything about absence, betrayal and violence,
Pettiness of idle men, the shut eye of women, the cramping
Spread legs, the torn and teary pillowcases, the shunned faces,
The blemishes on mattresses and skins, the pregnancies, the
Never-ending hard-ons tramping and infecting, ghosting and stealing.
You clog everything. I wish I could strip my body of your language.
Undress you from myself and throw you into a bonfire, memory
Has served me long enough. The swarm of insects in the beat
Of my nighttime heart.
“Rear views of a naked woman and her naked toddler” by Clarence Hudson White (1871-1925)