I can’t remember the first time I recognised

My face in a mirror. The image of me. Through

My eyes, the glass, the light and darkness.

There was no cowardice, no betrayal, no thoughts

Stampeding over what I considered to be myself in my mind.

I looked at you and I can’t remember, can’t think of the feeling.

 

I wonder when loss occurred, how long it took to dismantle,

To destroy everything. Was I even looking when it all happened?

Was I an accomplice? I pirouette around my own body, poking myself.

I can’t see myself in all these gestures, turns and behavioural patterns,

It’s a fury from within, injected, umbilical cord to umbilical cord, the womb,

In a vicious circle, mumbling memories from the infinite past putting me to sleepwalk.

Hans_Makart_-_Lili_Lauser_-_12027_-_Bavarian_State_Painting_Collections

“Lili Lauser” by Hans Makart (1840-1884)

 

 

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