The Excavation of Loneliness

I pressed your body against my chest.

And I felt so ashamed, so lost, deracinated.

I was standing still and my thoughts were running away.

I heard your heart pounding and I ignored the sound.

I didn’t know how to look at you, how to hold you, close to me.

You let me go and I couldn’t move, growth started in all directions.


I don’t know where my childhood is situated in my body.

I cannot recover the voices and anthems and solitude.

I breathe in my own skin, my curdling body and I suppress

The urge to cry and torment me, alienate myself, burn bridges

Between me and the world. And I’m sure I won’t find my way in.

And I remember you, so far away, out of reach and I don’t dare to blink.


“Weiblicher Halbakt” by Anton Ebert (1845-1896)

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