She encapsulated her and said her thoughts are not who she is.

Not every voice is worth listening to or is kindhearted and maybe

They are drastic in what they express but mean well if you pay attention.

 

She was scared of inexplicable words popping up in her head, words that

Had nothing to do with how she felt, were in fact the very opposite of her loved

Reality. She had to discover the constructive reason and halt the sabotage.

 

Why did something fatalistic stir deeply within her and was convinced

It did something good by speaking, interfering, burdening her with shame and guilt?

What did this morbid voice want? The voice that cast a shadow over every glimpse of

 

Joy? Did she force herself to repent for all eternity, punish herself until she is no more?

Nobody could live like that, love like that, sacrificing oneself to a voice that seeks

Destruction. Why was it within her still? Why did it shock her every time with its mouth

 

Open? Did it feel lonely, cast aside, because she committed herself to all that is good

Within her, finally? Was it jealous that she had managed to change forms and it

 

Remained the way it always had been? Did it feel betrayed that it lost its appeal to her?

She had faith in everything inside of herself and as she could destroy she could create,

And she would need every part of her to help her steer ahead in unison.

Boldini,_Countess_de_Janville.

“Portrait of the Countess de Martel de Janville” by Giovanni Boldini (1842-1931)

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