I couldn’t let go.
Of the way you saw me.
Envisioned me. Revealed me.
The way you painted my face.
It would all end.
The dream we both shared.
Our love on canvas.
It would all cease to blossom with your death.
With your untimely death.
I will not look at the world without you.
I will not persist.
I have seen it through your eyes.
And now they’re forever shut.
And so are mine.
I carry your heartbeat below my chest.
What we’ve almost made whole.
I don’t want to bring it into a world that has swallowed you.
I’m not the same who took part in the creation.
It was a two-people-act, two lovers.
Who can I be without you?
I hold it in me, the reminder that you have been erased.
Amedeo, let it not be too late, let me catch up.
We’ll find each other once more.
Don’t think of me as insane.
I can’t bring life as I’m so close to death.
It’s unbearable. Your absence.
Regard it as love, togetherness, belonging to you.
We’ve been entire, together, and that’s why I jumped, Amedeo.

“Portrait de Jeanne Hébuterne au Collier” by Amedeo Modigliani (1884-1920)
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My name is Laura Gentile. I’m of German-Italian descent and I speak five languages such as English, German, French, Italian, Luxembourgish and I’m currently learning Romanian.
I hold a Master of Arts Degree in English Literature, Film and Visual Culture (Dissertation: The Decadent in Love with his Psychopomp: Thomas Mann's 'Death in Venice' and Adrian Lyne's 'Lolita') and a Master of Letters by Research in English Literature, Film and Visual Culture (Thesis: Romanticising Decadence and Aestheticising Death: Women as Projection Bodies and Mimetic Identities in Zola’s 'Thérèse Raquin', Schnitzler’s 'Dream Story', Süskind’s 'Perfume: The Story of a Murderer' and Eugenides’ 'The Virgin Suicides').
Author of "Within Paravent Walls". Pentalingual Idealist. Writer of psycho-corporeal Poetry. Creator of Croque-Melpomene & Les Femmes de la Décadence.
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