let’s say I did not break my body
let’s say I made it back into my body
knowing that I’m still dead
that no matter what I still took my own life
how would my body acknowledge my presence
that I walked myself to my death
that I decided it needed to die the way I did
I wonder how my body would react to me
didn’t it always know
wasn’t it always part of the plan, the exit route
a contributing factor in itself
would you, my body, reject me now
a foreign part that stopped belonging
would you withdraw your trust
I traumatised my own body
every move would be a trust issue
but without you I couldn’t have moved
without you I couldn’t have existed in the first place
without you I couldn’t have died
you knew that anything could turn ugly and horrific
there’s no coming back from that
I know, there was only you
and I made you go away
because we never stopped being scared
Croque-Melpomene 