Freilegung | poetry

you smile but you have violent eyes

I know of your malevolence

I feel you

and wherever you are in the world

you are too close

not even your death

put an end to you

you thought you had hollowed me out

entirely

and thought that I’d only speak of love

repeat your incantations

your trespasses

my body did right by me when you perished

I put an end to silence with my actions

my refusal

that was always overruled

and yes, I had no words

but you all chose yours so callously

the insane child

the imaginative girl

the problematic one

the raging one

my words came to me

slowly

after you died

I came back to myself

stumbling out of your bed

out of that decrepit disgusting room

out of those nights

where you tried to build your own doll

out of that house

where everybody trained the muscles of the past

where everybody loses speech

when it comes to everything that matters

you ought to be patient when I find my words

when I stutter

you watched my world being shattered

and still pretend that nothing ever happened

that there is no past

there is no crime

that it’s all in my disturbed little girl head

that everything is intact

but me

but what I have to say

see, you made me believe that I’m the one setting things on fire

but a body of cinder gave birth to me