Sister, I wonder why I hurt you so much
why I thought that you hurt me in the first place
who tore into us first and foremost
*
discovered our secrets
lulled us into love conditioned
I envied you on his face, hers, theirs
heard my name swallowed in guilt acidic
unacknowledged
*
and I felt that I could take you on
[instead]
you I could defeat
and everything would remain hidden
two fighting sisters
reasons unknown
practical
n o r m a l i t y
*
she is too angry
*
what is going on in this house
*
I thought you knew [did I?]
I thought you were aware [was I?]
the things my body didn’t comprehend
and I startle and jump back
when I see the consequences of their violence
of my violence on your face
and as I am breaking what’s fragile
fragile like me
(someone had covered me in thick skin
rotten skin
for a short period of time)
I feel blood outside of my hands
blood that only I can see
guilty as I scream
ashamed as I see your fear
your resignation
as if you were okay to die
under my weight
in my ambivalent arms
*
we are both children still
*
what’s the origin
*
who put this monster inside of me
why doesn’t it have a name
why can nobody know why it’s there
why has it become me
why is he coming back to haunt me
why is my name dragged through the dirt
*
she puts herself in front of you
because you look like her
when she was a girl
and nobody protected her
and nobody protected me
because I look like him
and act like him when I lose my skin
Croque-Melpomene 