Muttermal | a poem

in order to be safe

I was pressured to appease


I lost myself under pressure

that was always the point


abandon thought

abandon resistance

be overruled

be disembodied

be numbed


how could that ever have been me


under your misguidance


the cutthroat pits within you

in the rooms you drink in

touch yourself in

scream in


and ghosts get stuck in my hair

amidst your body’s gluttonous outbursts


women get hunchbacks from their selflessness

I loved the part of her that tried its best

but she had been wanting to die for a long time


I never let her

I never wanted to see her that way

look at her that way

in a way that cannot be changed


she let go of her life

a mere sigh


letting go of her flesh


how responsible, guilty and powerless you feel

if someone you love

doesn’t want to live on earth any longer


who said that I wanted to be saved

My own drawing © Laura Gentile 2022 | Instagram: @melpomenepaintings

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