Muttermal | a poem

in order to be safe

I was pressured to appease

*

I lost myself under pressure

that was always the point

*

abandon thought

abandon resistance

be overruled

be disembodied

be numbed

*

how could that ever have been me

*

under your misguidance

*

the cutthroat pits within you

in the rooms you drink in

touch yourself in

scream in

*

and ghosts get stuck in my hair

amidst your body’s gluttonous outbursts

*

women get hunchbacks from their selflessness

I loved the part of her that tried its best

but she had been wanting to die for a long time

*

I never let her

I never wanted to see her that way

look at her that way

in a way that cannot be changed

*

she let go of her life

a mere sigh

prolonged

letting go of her flesh

*

how responsible, guilty and powerless you feel

if someone you love

doesn’t want to live on earth any longer

*

who said that I wanted to be saved

My own drawing © Laura Gentile 2022 | Instagram: @melpomenepaintings

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