in order to be safe
I was pressured to appease
*
I lost myself under pressure
that was always the point
*
abandon thought
abandon resistance
be overruled
be disembodied
be numbed
*
how could that ever have been me
*
under your misguidance
*
the cutthroat pits within you
in the rooms you drink in
touch yourself in
scream in
*
and ghosts get stuck in my hair
amidst your body’s gluttonous outbursts
*
women get hunchbacks from their selflessness
I loved the part of her that tried its best
but she had been wanting to die for a long time
*
I never let her
I never wanted to see her that way
look at her that way
in a way that cannot be changed
*
she let go of her life
a mere sigh
prolonged
letting go of her flesh
*
how responsible, guilty and powerless you feel
if someone you love
doesn’t want to live on earth any longer
*
who said that I wanted to be saved
Croque-Melpomene 