you died
and I saw you
e v e r y w h e r e
*
and what did you think would happen
if I moved in a bed of shards
*
I mistrusted men’s intentions when they came close to me
since girlhood I observed what kind I attracted
and who I became when I let them touch me
I degraded myself in my own body
and they were satisfied
and I was horrified
*
whining behind the tip of the tongue
paralysed behind the front teeth
the word no couldn’t be formed
*
and why did you hold his hand
and why did you smile
and why
and why
*
I’d approach the beast
to soften the blow
to convince myself
that I’m in control
*
to make their bestiality mine
to turn it into something that couldn’t harm me
*
alcohol unbottled everything they were dreaming of
*
I abandoned the idea of love
and crawled into a hole
and I lay consecrated by vermin