swallowed knot voices | a poem

you discarded your torments into the bodies of women

unwelcoming and unbecoming

and should they raise their voices against your force-fed tyranny

you’d put your grown man’s hands on a girl’s neck and blame the alcohol

*

you violated the body in such a way that only the soul would know

*

you dismembered my voice

and robbed me of my utmost power

the ability to formulate a sentence

*

my mouth contained your words

*

the ones who knew what was wrong with me

also knew that they were what’s wrong with me

*

I’d absorb their shame

and embody their shame

seeking me out when nobody was looking

*

she knew and thought

as long as it’s not me

*

women who hated their own bodies

so that men could hate them too

and nobody had anything to give

*

because if you hate something

you don’t care if someone destroys it

*

it’s easier for someone else to destroy

what belongs to you

*

and what they are allowed to destroy

will quickly perish

and bore

*

and that’s the point

to fall into oblivion

and feel nothing

a forlorn target off the radar

*

encouraged lifelessness

they just wanted a good fight

but they didn’t hold on to life

My own drawing © Laura Gentile 2021 | Instagram: @melpomenepaintings

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