In retrospect, it gives me joy to remember you
Standing in your garden, amongst the roses and mint leaves,
Amongst self-erected trees and compost heaps,
Right beneath the sun, the way you wore your fisherman’s hat,
And walked through all the colours with a sense of pride
And achievement, your dreams instilled in this garden
And I would forget all the empty promises,
There were a slight imperfection, time running out,
Energy running out, the dead life taking ahold of you,
And I start to make my peace with you now,
All the things that never came out, all the things that
Have always remained unsaid, always floating mutely
In toxic and wholesome airs, entwined, within my own body,
The language of us, your body and mine, theirs and ours,
Ours, all of us, trying to become separate entities,
Trying to wrestle and detach ourselves, rename ourselves,
Establish different circumstances and shift and carve out new roots,
Dying as we try to perfect the imperfect that we are.
And you, of course, the end came slowly, you thought about it
All the time, the end, the ending, from within, projected
Into the outside, you gave so much, and you grew old,
And you’d think with sass, just come get me already,
I’ve had enough, I feel your peace now, your freedom, now,
I love to remember your scent, fresh, powdery, classy,
The way you sat amongst people, eating your ice cream,
As if you were a child still, as if you finally could enjoy it,
Pay for it, sitting there, watching people move and pass you by,
And you’d sit there, for hours, thinking your thoughts,
Remembering them for us, your jokes and judgements,
You made me laugh, the way you dressed, your hair, you
Took care of yourself, most of the time, the basics that were
Unforgettable, I put your scent on my own skin,
And you live in me still, and I hold you there and keep you warm,
I’ve always loved you, your eloquence and vulgarity,
Your fierceness and fearfulness, your care and chaos,
All the things that you never said but stayed with you,
All the things that you said by not saying them
And took with you, you loved with your body,
You loved with your presence, your actions and gestures,
And I filled in the blanks with words.
Croque-Melpomene 