Ugly Death: A Poem

The question unravels a multitude of answers

And I don’t know whether they are entwined

Whether they influenced each other

Or whether one thing led to another

Or were they all detached, was it really that simple,

Was there only one answer, one tipping point?

I felt your loss head to toe and then some

But I want to live, this death is an ugly thing

That bombed its way into my heart


Scratched my throat open

Everywhere I am looking for you

Your language, still

This is me in this world still

I am human, a form still

So I will ask and I will answer

You run through me

I let you in, I let you go

We leave and say hello

And yet the horrendous happened

That tries to live in my gut now

But I will eradicate it and mould it anew

According to who you were, who you are,

The sheer beauty of you, within without,

That I carve out to accompany me

Because it doesn’t want to torture me


It wants to give me life

It wants to give me love

Continue us

This death was an ugly thing with a million facets

And weights and wrinkles

I won’t create and attach more monstrous heads to it

It needs to live reformedly

Your energy matters most

Was it impulse, was it planned,

Was it both, I won’t know,

And you don’t want me to,

Does it matter, yes and no,

I have you here, not the ego,

But what we both were right before we were born

And always will remain.

Photo by murat esibatir on

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