When I walk amongst people on the streets
Or stand in a supermarket, I feel so disconnected,
I feel so isolated and cut off, alone in that moment,
Amongst strangers, with this immense pain, and I
Feel like the world moved on, the everyday routine,
The functioning of the system, and I feel like I’m
Standing amongst them all, the only tragedy amongst
The normality, the only one weighed down amidst
People who float, but I know that that’s not true, that
Every single day lives are changed, and what do we know,
Walking by, buying our stuff, running around, looking
At people for a second, judged, stamped, and ready to go.
Today is your birthday. I was awake at midnight.
I whispered happy birthday to you.
I couldn’t sing the song yet, it felt bitter on my tongue.
It cuts me, but I will sing it towards the clouds today,
Towards your photographs, it’s easier in daylight,
You know that I’m still a bit scared at night,
My body is adjusting to losing you physically.
I think about you all the time. Sometimes I
Manage to do other things, focus on other things,
But here you are, there you are, with me, and I
Miss you walking up the steps to my flat, and I miss
You when I’m laughing, I miss you when I eat too much.
Today they will go to your tree and they will take me
With them, I will be there, to sing that song, to you,
I am always there, and we’ll be with you, in unison, together,
Happy birthday, my kindhearted brother, I can see you shine.