In Memoriam: “Lila Wolken”: A Poem For Your Birthday

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When I walk amongst people on the streets

Or stand in a supermarket, I feel so disconnected,

I feel so isolated and cut off, alone in that moment,

Amongst strangers, with this immense pain, and I

Feel like the world moved on, the everyday routine,

The functioning of the system, and I feel like I’m

Standing amongst them all, the only tragedy amongst

The normality, the only one weighed down amidst

People who float, but I know that that’s not true, that

Every single day lives are changed, and what do we know,

Walking by, buying our stuff, running around, looking

At people for a second, judged, stamped, and ready to go.

 

Today is your birthday. I was awake at midnight.

I whispered happy birthday to you.

I couldn’t sing the song yet, it felt bitter on my tongue.

It cuts me, but I will sing it towards the clouds today,

Towards your photographs, it’s easier in daylight,

You know that I’m still a bit scared at night,

My body is adjusting to losing you physically.

 

I think about you all the time. Sometimes I

Manage to do other things, focus on other things,

But here you are, there you are, with me, and I

Miss you walking up the steps to my flat, and I miss

You when I’m laughing, I miss you when I eat too much.

Today they will go to your tree and they will take me

With them, I will be there, to sing that song, to you,

I am always there, and we’ll be with you, in unison, together,

Happy birthday, my kindhearted brother, I can see you shine.

orange blue cloudy sky
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

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