Your twenty-fifth birthday, tomorrow.
It pains me still, it pains me already.
I will try to celebrate you, your life,
On that day, ahead of me, I will try to
See its light, not its tragedy. Your life
Must never be a loss, it has always been
A gift, I thought it would be everlasting,
From one day to the next, every single day,
With me, around me, you just never know.
I think about the love of your life, how you
Loved her still, how you would always love her.
I remember how my hands cleaned you,
Caressed you, took care of you, your skin,
A baby, how I held you, carried you, loved you
From the start, in my arms, my flesh and blood.
I think about all the presents you bought,
The presents in our mother’s trunk, the
Present you wished for, on your birthday,
The high chairs you ordered, they came before
Yesterday, I think about how you ran late that
Morning, how you brushed your teeth, how you
Had run out of perfume (all your bottles were empty),
The almonds in a glass, the opened oat milk,
The traces of your life in every corner, your scent
On the pillows, against my face, glue, my soul, glue.
Death came in a second. Death came in a thought.
In a heartbeat. You didn’t know that you wouldn’t sleep
In your bed again that night. You didn’t know that I
Would come, to you, when you lay under your blanket,
Cold, I held your hand in mine and I could feel the warmth
Arise again, from me to you, I never wanted you to feel
Cold, I came to you and I reclaimed a goodbye that I felt
Robbed of, a goodbye with love and tenderness, and
I greet you again, every single day, death will never disintegrate you
From my life, my body, my language, my heart and soul.