In Memoriam: “Tomorrow Is Your Birthday”: A Poem

Your twenty-fifth birthday, tomorrow.

It pains me still, it pains me already.

I will try to celebrate you, your life,

On that day, ahead of me, I will try to

See its light, not its tragedy. Your life

Must never be a loss, it has always been

A gift, I thought it would be everlasting,

From one day to the next, every single day,

With me, around me, you just never know.

 

I think about the love of your life, how you

Loved her still, how you would always love her.

I remember how my hands cleaned you,

Caressed you, took care of you, your skin,

A baby, how I held you, carried you, loved you

From the start, in my arms, my flesh and blood.

 

I think about all the presents you bought,

The presents in our mother’s trunk, the

Present you wished for, on your birthday,

The high chairs you ordered, they came before

Yesterday, I think about how you ran late that

Morning, how you brushed your teeth, how you

Had run out of perfume (all your bottles were empty),

The almonds in a glass, the opened oat milk,

The traces of your life in every corner, your scent

On the pillows, against my face, glue, my soul, glue.

 

Death came in a second. Death came in a thought.

In a heartbeat. You didn’t know that you wouldn’t sleep

In your bed again that night. You didn’t know that I

Would come, to you, when you lay under your blanket,

Cold, I held your hand in mine and I could feel the warmth

Arise again, from me to you, I never wanted you to feel

Cold, I came to you and I reclaimed a goodbye that I felt

Robbed of, a goodbye with love and tenderness, and

I greet you again, every single day, death will never disintegrate you

From my life, my body, my language, my heart and soul.