There is one path a mother should never walk.
She did. I held her arm, the shivering elbow.
The sounds of our mother. The stops she had to make.
The heart leaking. The mouth coming up for non-existent
Air. There is one path a mother should never walk.
We walked it together. The downward steps to you.
I wouldn’t let you go unseen.
I did what I feared the most.
I knew you did the worst and you did it all alone.
Now, I wouldn’t let you go in solitude.
I wouldn’t leave your body there.
Without us. Alone. I needed you to know.
I needed you to feel.
I needed you to know that we came and
We were there.
They opened the doors.
And my body split in half.
The music. The room.
Your blanket. I never wanted you to be cold.
I never wanted you to freeze.
I wanted to give you warmth.
Reclaiming a last moment, with you, yours.
You were never alone, you were never alone.
I approached the externalised hole in my heart.
Your face. Your beautiful face. I needed time.
I needed to let this reality sink in
Before I could touch you.
My hands hovered over your forehead.
Shivering. I withdrew and I came back.
I shook my head. But there it was, you, there you were.
I put my hand on your skin.
You became you.
You, my brother. Nothing mattered anymore,
My hands on your face, your cheeks, caressing your hair.
I was there. I am here, my beautiful brother, I whispered
To you, I put seashells on your heart, I wrote you,
I filled that space with as much love as I could,
I put my hand under yours, I looked at your fingers,
A boy’s hand, those fingers, I held you and you became warm
Again, I conquered the cold with my heat,
I thought life ran through you once more,
I sang to you, I took the wounds, I took the horror
And replaced them with love and tenderness.
That’s what you deserved, that’s what you gave,
Love, so much of it. I wouldn’t let you go without
Reciprocation, I never did, we never did, and you knew.
I sat next to you, my greatest fear, I held your hands,
Your head, I kissed you then and there, your scent on
My lips, for days I smelled you on me, I held you there,
You beautiful man, you golden boy, I kissed you on your
Forehead and time escaped us all, I couldn’t let go of you,
Love knows no limits, I wished you so well, I saw them
Coming with the lid as I turned around one more time,
I saw them drive you away and I knew our presence
Had made its way through to you and the sun shone.