Since you brought me here,
Every gesture of yours told me
To stay where you walked away
From me. You wanted to know
That I was still there, waiting for
You. You were the focus point of
Your own thoughts. I was a child
Immovable, impatient, steady,
Wasting away, in need of you, to
Finally come back, and whenever
You felt like it, you’d just walk
Past me as if no time of my life
Had made its way around the clock.
I look at your siblings and how you
Are all reflections of each other. In
Competition with each other, who
Suffers the most, the Italian contest.
Whose flesh is pierced the most by
Arrows. Who screams the loudest.
Who wails the longest. You all bathed
In those concoctions of inflicted and self-repeated
Misery of the mind. You never wanted to get
Better, just stepped right into the footsteps
Of those you didn’t want to imitate when
You still had a willpower of your own.
And now look at you. I felt sorry for you
And tried to help you for so long, that’s
What you wanted, but you also wanted
Me to stay there with you, comforting
The same wounds without your input,
Without change and betterment, you drove
Around in your vicious circles and dragged
Me along to cure the incurable, you wanted
To remain insane with me holding your hand
Unconditionally, what I felt you nullified, trivialised.
I remember you all.
The upside-down trinity of mayhem.
The dead stagnant water, repulsion.
Children taking care of adults that eat them up,
Every single bit, day after day, crying in the
Beds of their children, holding them, draining them,
Beating and apologising, every word, meaningless,
Hollow, repetitive, insanity, unstable steps in a withering
House, bars and ropes, a jungle of attention-seekers, devourers
Of children’s souls, carpets, disappearances, children, possessions.
Leeches that feast on us and grow bolder
And taller as we shrink and degenerate.
Is that why you gave me life and baptised me
So I could be yours, entirely, so you could belong
To me forevermore, so you would survive and thrive
At the cost of my life, that you gave me, indebted to
You, always, holding it over my head, like a curse,
That you brought upon us all, mine, mine, mine,
What you give you can take away, as you please,
I was not supposed to have autonomy and agency
According to your ways, you wanted me to abdicate
All my powers to you and suffocate under your regime
And kiss your feet for having given me life and
Hold your hand as if you entered sainthood.