The Image I Nurtured Of You In My Head: A Poem

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I lied to myself to survive you.

I told myself that you had a heart.

That somewhere within the rough

Edges of your body there was love

For me, struggling but nevertheless

Bound to me.

 

I made this hypothetical flame bigger

Than it ever was and would be. I had to.

Or maybe that hurt me even more.

The disappointment gained more weight.

 

You are just like me. You are just like me.

You told me that, to control me, my growth,

Manipulate me into stagnancy and regression.

You meant you are just like me at my worst.

You abhorred the sight of me as you, of yourself within me.

 

You didn’t like yourself.

How could I ever hope for something grander?

Something better and more elaborate?

For love?

How did I dare to dream in those megalomaniacal proportions?

I guess I’m your daughter after all.

brown wooden armchair
Photo by Teddy on Pexels.com

 

Published by Croque-Melpomene

My name is Laura Gentile. I’m of German-Italian descent and I speak five languages such as English, German, French, Italian, Luxembourgish and I’m currently learning Romanian. I hold a Master of Arts Degree in English Literature, Film and Visual Culture (Dissertation: The Decadent in Love with his Psychopomp: Thomas Mann's 'Death in Venice' and Adrian Lyne's 'Lolita') and a Master of Letters by Research in English Literature, Film and Visual Culture (Thesis: Romanticising Decadence and Aestheticising Death: Women as Projection Bodies and Mimetic Identities in Zola’s 'Thérèse Raquin', Schnitzler’s 'Dream Story', Süskind’s 'Perfume: The Story of a Murderer' and Eugenides’ 'The Virgin Suicides'). Author of "Within Paravent Walls". Pentalingual Idealist. Writer of psycho-corporeal Poetry. Creator of Croque-Melpomene & Les Femmes de la Décadence. Find me here: YouTube: Croque-Melpomene Twitter: lauragentile13 Pinterest: lauragentile12 Instagram: croque_melpomene12 Goodreads: Laura Gentile LinkedIn: Laura Gentile Contact Email Address: croquemelpomene@gmail.com

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