You thought I’d stay in your trap forever.
You’d have watched me waste away in
Servitude and self-abandonment.
You never knew me at all.
You see a body, convinced that the mind
Is not plotting against you for its survival.
You thought that I’d lick my wounds forever,
That I would never say enough.
That I would stay, cowered, beneath you,
Holding your hands in self-erasure,
Adorning your ugliness and cruelty.
You watched me burn myself bit by bit
Waiting for my whole self to go up in flames
And vanish to give you all my lights,
But I realised what you felt like on my skin.
I’d walk through that pain, and no matter how
Much I fell, misstepped and faded away,
I never lost my will to fight and live,
To trust that love will come, from within me
To the outside, right in your face, where
Adoration never belonged, not mine.
That’s your job, not mine.
And you never pulled it off.
You sucked me in and tried to tear me apart
Abusing words that meant the world to me.
You thought you would make me shrink
By pushing all my buttons and revealing
What a coward you are, saying things you knew
Would land and hurt but all I did in that very moment
Was look at your face and your malicious expression,
The power dynamics swiftly changing,
And I finally understood that all hope was gone,
That I had the power to be free, of you, this
Was an act against yourself, I grasped that liberation,
I saw how small and petty you really were
And I celebrated, you unmasked, you inflicting scars
With unparalleled pleasure.
I had fireworks in my eyes and I didn’t have to say anything.
You wanted to destroy me but pushed yourself over the edge
Without my embrace that won’t save you anymore.