The house still haunts her. The way it
Disappears into the past, the memories
Falling off like rotten apples, never to be
Picked up, sinking into the earth, non-revisited.
I climbed the walls and trees innumerable times,
Fell off, dirt-soaked and gleeful, hungry, running
Across the grass and peppermint. My whole world.
I knew who I was, what my body felt like then and there.
As soon as the world grew larger and other people
Were forced into it, dictating the restrictions in my life
In contrast to my nature, I shrank and struggled to hold
Myself together. They saw a picture of me in their heads
And nurtured it without my truth and consent.
I grew up falling apart, slowly. A false ring to my name
In other people’s mouths. I deserted my own language
Adapting to them and their claustrophobic rules.
Your job, to confine everything growing wilder than trees.
You made my world dissolve in the background
But I never stopped carrying it in my pocket.
All grey and faded I looked presentable to you and
Your devastating schemes.
I kept all my multi-coloured lights stored within me, under my skin,
Waiting for your definite absence to splash them across the sky
And make all of you go away and let myself breathe again.