- Never give up your childhood qualities.
Without idealising children, they do possess the qualities of pure and unaltered expression, a sincere and clear ability to use the words “yes” and “no”, they know no boundaries or limits to their worlds or imagination, they are in tune with their bodies and needs, and they have a ferocious curiosity and ask questions. Of course, they need guidance, but amongst the several good things that they are taught, their minds are contaminated with a lot of baggage that has never been theirs. All of the abovementioned qualities are conformed, abused, distorted, restricted, disconnected and shut down by outer influences. They grow into a generational repetition of traditional and stagnant mindsets that nobody ever questioned and mindlessly copies because it is deemed “the right way” without making up their own minds and maybe do better by allowing change. It takes people decades to get these stolen and mistreated qualities back.
2. Never compromise your worth.
Never do things that are beneath you and by that I mean doing things for people who do not appreciate you or your actions and even worse mock, depreciate or bully you for doing so. Put your energy towards substance, meaning and where it matters. The exchange of energies should be a two-way street and gratitude should be vital. Don’t let other people determine and diminish your worth. Don’t become victimised in your own head. Know and feel your worth and make it very clear to your surroundings. Unfortunately, people take advantage of you if you make yourself smaller for the comfort and dominance of others. Find out for yourself what would be a dealbreaker for you and your self-worth.
3. Never accept to be hurt just to please people.
There is no way around getting hurt in your lifetime, but there are certain scenarios that you can definitely avoid. Don’t take part in intimate activities when you don’t want to. It doesn’t matter whether the other person feels rejected, let down or disappointed. If you don’t want to that’s the only thing that matters, keep your integrity. If your goal is to please other people, you will never please yourself. Being a people-pleaser is a vicious and neurotic circle that prevents you from finding self-appreciation and peace within. Don’t look outward for approval, your own is the only one that truly matters. Listen to your gut, your body, it will tell you how you feel about a decision. We are all born with a sharp intuition and society clutters it. Let your mind, emotions, expression and body be in total alignment. You might be your own worst judge, and you will hurt people too in your life, but don’t let others judge you, blow your actions out of proportion, stigmatise you excessively, attack you for your mistakes, bully you, and never accept guilt that doesn’t belong to you. Again, your body will tell you.
“Portrait de Hortense Mancini, duchesse de Mazarin, et sa soeur Marie” by Jacob Ferdinand Voet (1639-1700)
4. Own your rhythm and don’t harass your mind with societal filters.
Nobody knows yourself better than you do. Some people are on the same wavelength as you and still you know best what is going on inside of you. You don’t need to justify yourself or give endless explanations. Say what you have to say. If your intentions are good, that’s what will come across. Express what you mean. Use your own language. Don’t let anybody else outside of your body dictate your rhythm. Say things in your own voice, own it. Don’t adapt the immensities of your mind to reductive societal linguistic and mental corsets. Don’t repress the things that need to be said in the moment, they need to be let out of the body and mind, given to the adequate person, especially if they are a reaction to somebody who is deliberately vexing or disrespecting you, no matter how scared you might be, do it, don’t let blocking emotions interfere with your necessary actions. Stand your ground, always. If you stand firmly intertwined with your roots, the wind may howl as wildly as it can, you won’t budge.
5. Never devalue your own body and don’t let other people brand it.
Children use every single fibre of their bodies with an insatiable energy. The body is their magical instrument. Don’t let anybody tell you that something on your body doesn’t look right or pretty or whatnot. Every single part of your body helps you live wondrously, does its best to keep you healthy, protected and alive, and supports you in every way it possibly can. Don’t let anybody insult it and reduce its powers to silly, insubstantial and shallow pseudo beauty ideals that are more harmful and regressive than anything else. Don’t internalise other people’s attacks and unwanted words. They have no right to exist in your body, you wouldn’t ingest poison, would you? You decide what you allow into your sacred sphere. Your body is your best friend. See it through your own eyes and inner sensations and what it offers you. Be grateful. And don’t treat it like an outsider who has a problem with it. Don’t bully your own body. If every single criticism that you harass your body with would feel like a pinch, you would stop doing it so naturally and inheritedly, but our bodies can take a lot and it will take a while for all these harrowing words to take an actual shape and create dysfunction within your physical walls. Don’t make yourself sick.
“Fantazija” by Vlaho Bukovac (1855-1922)