I felt like my own hands drowned him.
Drove him underwater.
My hands turned into claws,
Scratching the surface of his heart,
Wanting more, wanting something else.
I refused to let him come up for air.
I besieged his body and wouldn’t let go.
I heard that jealousy is stronger than love.
Both resulted in annihilation.
Disappearing drops on the ground.
I remember the water, the body had dissolved,
He escaped the world we had created.
And I would go back to him in prayer.
A prayer spiralling down, helpless and defeated.
I wanted to penetrate the earth hands forward.
The lack of substance terrified me.
The lack of his scent in the air that I swallowed.
I feared the return of emptiness that preceded him.
Within me had been enough space to contain him fully.
The sense of my own nothingness and the bits that departed with him
Couldn’t be real; yet I felt like I had discarded myself wholeheartedly.
“Queen Marie of Romania, née Princess Marie of Edinburgh” by Philip de László (1869-1937)
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My name is Laura Gentile. I’m of German-Italian descent and I speak five languages such as English, German, French, Italian, Luxembourgish and I’m currently learning Romanian.
I hold a Master of Arts Degree in English Literature, Film and Visual Culture (Dissertation: The Decadent in Love with his Psychopomp: Thomas Mann's 'Death in Venice' and Adrian Lyne's 'Lolita') and a Master of Letters by Research in English Literature, Film and Visual Culture (Thesis: Romanticising Decadence and Aestheticising Death: Women as Projection Bodies and Mimetic Identities in Zola’s 'Thérèse Raquin', Schnitzler’s 'Dream Story', Süskind’s 'Perfume: The Story of a Murderer' and Eugenides’ 'The Virgin Suicides').
My debut novel, 'Within Paravent Walls', will be published by WiDo Publishing / E. L. Marker.
I am the creator of "Croque-Melpomene: Femalecentric Poetry" and I have a YouTube channel carrying the same name.
Find me here:
YouTube: Croque-Melpomene
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Contact Email Address: croquemelpomene@gmail.com
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