Female sexuality is as old as time. It is powerful, alive and demanding. It always had a culture, a ritual, an expression, a force. Sofia Sundari, a Tantra teacher and Priestess and a mesmerising woman I can’t wait to meet in person, claims that there are masculine sexual traits and feminine ones. The twist that she highlights is that they are not separate qualities or entities, they are inherent in both men and women. The way we are brought up and programmed in the West teaches us that femininity belongs exclusively to a woman and masculinity exclusively to a man. Thereby you half a human being and oftentimes pervert something that is a creative life force into something twisted and tortured. What Sofia Sundari describes as the masculine energy and the feminine one reminds me of the Apollonian and the Dionysian life forces.
Balance and expression are vital. Suppression, over-emphasis of one or emotional amputation of the other can be fatal. Both need acknowledgement as they are both present and as long as they are lived out in a balanced way and used within the realm of virtue, creativity and active idealism, they are life-affirmative, spiritual and productive energies, but there are plenty of ways to corrupt, degenerate and deform them.
Female sexuality is forced to orbit around male sexuality. What he wants. What he needs. When he wants it. When he needs it. How he wants it. How he needs it. That doesn’t work for either party, there has been such an internal disconnection from ancient sexuality and plenty of people believe in these rough and black-and-white basics of a reductive sexuality promoted by a fatuitous and porn-patterned society that neglects mankind by making everything material.
Female sexuality has been put into drawers for ages: mistress, whore, lover, wife, mother, girlfriend, slut, friend with benefits, Lolita, muse, the list goes on. Of course, the male counterpart has been called forth too, but that is as misleading as the original name-bearers. Sexuality is not a role. Sexuality is a truth, completion, unison, the highest form of physical and energetic contact between two people and no matter how much you may revolt, it becomes transcendent when the premise is a rooted and genuine evocation and appreciation of ancient love. Now, don’t put the word “love” in your drawers. Love as in connection, as in depth, as in companionship, as in warmth, as in fire, as in trust, as in devotion, as in dedication, as in flow, as in sacred, as in passion, as in alignment, as in extraterrestrial. Everybody has that power and many don’t believe in it and reduce their own sexuality to a quick fix, an in-and-out, a fast orgasm, biology, porn, an ever-hungry need, their own detached ego and mortality.
Icarus was in fact an extremist and saw himself faced with two choices. Either approach the sun as an expression of his hubris or he could be dragged down and swallowed whole by the force of the ocean and its waves; he chose to be more, to be greater, to access the inaccessible, the highest of grounds. Of course, both options lead to a demise, but the premise of Icarus’ choice and character is a self-affirmative one, a vocational one, full of purpose and intent, whilst the one he rejected meant self-erasure, a dismissal of his inner life and a neglect of his identity and invaluable contributions. Naturally, there is a third option, life within these parameters, which leads me back to the holy balance, in-between the sun and the ocean, the spiritual and terrestrial, the world and the individual, mind and body, masculine and feminine, Apollonian and Dionysian. They are all interdependent and live in exchange with each other. The qualities are there and the human being chooses to be swallowed by the ocean, or be burned by the sun or live in accordance with both and him/herself to his/her fullest potential.