I never got rid of the grief within me.
This disconnection between my toes and my hands.
The adult glance, the merry youthful movements and indiscretions.
For what can I not forgive myself?
That I was given a package full of sorrow and accepted the camouflage?
That I had no conscience whatsoever once?
The head of a rose ensnares the anatomy of my heart.
I think of their lips and how they never loved me.
And I remember all the times I walked myself home.
Have I no right to have peace?
Am I not allowed to enjoy my very own presence
After I exhausted all my other options?
I walk past the auburn leaves as they are trampled on across the sidewalk.
I trample on them too, and call it love, love for the sound, that crispy delight,
Don’t my harsh soles, worn-out, accelerate their disintegration exposed on the tarmac?
Is it not me, or has it not been me being knocked over by the familial shoe?
I always dragged my face out of the mud and disaster and lovelessness.
I wandered everywhere trying to find those three words, without shedding light into myself.
I grew up without their sound, with the incapacity, with sincere condolences, reasons.
I’m the one with all the questions and the shovel extreme.
I look under carpets, mats and rocks and I always find all the pieces that belonged to me.
I cannot stomach emptiness, joylessness, my face in grieving distortion.
I refuse to mourn the loss of me, the words that were never given to me,
Until I slammed on doors and howled across deracinating winds, shoving my face
Into parental memories. Only I may see the invisible tears the past had caused.
I refuse to call it over, me, no I lived on and on, my face engulfed in muddy deformations.
I carried a torch within me and a basket to put myself back together again.
“Vittoria Colonna” by Cristofano dell’Altissimo (1525-1605)
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Published by Croque-Melpomene
My name is Laura Gentile. I’m of German-Italian descent and I speak five languages such as English, German, French, Italian, Luxembourgish and I’m currently learning Romanian.
I hold a Master of Arts Degree in English Literature, Film and Visual Culture (Dissertation: The Decadent in Love with his Psychopomp: Thomas Mann's 'Death in Venice' and Adrian Lyne's 'Lolita') and a Master of Letters by Research in English Literature, Film and Visual Culture (Thesis: Romanticising Decadence and Aestheticising Death: Women as Projection Bodies and Mimetic Identities in Zola’s 'Thérèse Raquin', Schnitzler’s 'Dream Story', Süskind’s 'Perfume: The Story of a Murderer' and Eugenides’ 'The Virgin Suicides').
My poetry and short stories have been published in two anthologies entitled 'Shaking Thoughts' and 'Until Forever Becomes The End', both edited by Joan Barbara Simon PhD PhD, leading to a prose and poetry recital called 'Silence Breakers' at the Libreria Altrimenti in Luxembourg.
My article on 'Biblical Imagery and Apocalyptic Visions in Films' written for the university course 'Film And Popular Culture' was published in a Luxembourgish film magazine named 'Graffiti'.
My work was chosen as obligatory reading for the academic course 'Creative Writing' at the University of Luxembourg and was the focus of the students’ exam portfolio. I was invited by the University of Luxembourg to do a workshop on my short story 'Prophets of the Streetlight' for the 'Creative Writing' course, including a reading and a Q&A.
In 2013, I published my own collection of short stories and poetry entitled 'Seraphic Addiction', which led to an invitation by Ara City Radio to do an interview and a reading on air.
Consequently I was encouraged to create my own radio show called 'Chasse-Sirène' surrounding literature, films, music and art.
Furthermore, I am the official German translator of Joan Barbara Simon’s 'Verses Nature' trilogy.
My debut novel, 'Within Paravent Walls', will be published by WiDo Publishing / E. L. Marker.
I am the creator of "Croque-Melpomene: Femalecentric Poetry" and I have a YouTube channel carrying the same name.
I am a weekly blogger for RTL Today, a major European media platform.
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