I can hear you laughing at me in my dreams.
Hear you mocking me in whispers, around my back, in closed rooms.
In these dreams, nothing has changed.
Everything stood still.
I’m still the same, motionless, fearful, victimised.
I’m the crouching figure in the voiceless background.
The harmful grimaces have a sound of their own.
They eradicate the grounds, everything is a senseless battlefield.
And I want to run away and erase.
Never have I cried so much in my life,
Never has my body given a definition to suffering like this.
My head banged against the wall.
I let them bury me.
They need to be together to attack me.
In these dreams my heart challenges me.
Puts me back into the narcissistic grasp.
And I locate the vampires, the splintered individuals,
Drained of love, it was never there, drained of everything
That makes one human, and I’m not there anymore.
I fell into their trap with open arms,
And was bitten by sharks.
Bloodsuckers, revisiting me in my dreams.
A thousand lessons learned, my brain remembers your ghastly horrid faces,
Your backstabbing motions, your insanities, cowardice,
Heartlessness, I had seen it from the beginning.
I am a child of hope and I had been crushed for a moment in time.
To put my body in the hands of murderers, no.
To release my mind to defamators, no.
To lay bare my heart to an inflammatory grill, no.
I’ve stumbled through the fire and survived.
When my qualities are treated as weaknesses to trample on,
I will assemble all my forces and goodwill and build up
A protection so high, and silence, the feeding has stopped.
The memory of you keeps me on my toes in my sleep.
“Moonlight” by Edvard Munch (1863-1944)