when I look at my child
all I see is what he did to my body
I don’t understand how this child can be her own person
when all I feel is the pain that brought her here
how can she not look like the embodiment of his wrongdoings
I look at her and I resent my silence
I examine her and I wish her voice away
I don’t know why, I don’t know why, I do not know
this child is so foreign to me as I wish he would have been
but he took his place in me and gave her hers
in me
and she wants something from me that simply does not exist
she is the consequence of what it means to endure him
she is the only thing that has survived
I don’t understand how life can take place this way
how my body found the nutrients to grow her
I look at my daughter and I am disgusted with myself
because he made it this far
and I have nowhere to go
because even my body has betrayed me
Croque-Melpomene 