I don’t know what you wanted
from the life that was forced upon you
drink a cup of coffee
fuck or just watch everything die from the past in your hands
you mimicked manhood as a boy
started your self-destruction
escaping into the bodies of women
never to be retraced
your company made me feel so alone
you wanted to be surrounded by people
but be alone amongst them
I can’t be something breathing quietly in the corner of your room
I don’t know who you were when you died
fighting hard for each letter, a lifetime
you, whose voice raved and killed
can’t do anything but cry with eyes ripped open
can you just come back for a moment
and tell me what life meant to you
because all I can perceive is the unshared existence of a broken man
the altar boy picking up after people who didn’t show up
I have so much pain in my body
so much, that I think I was born with it
did you think that you’d get rid of it like that
I don’t know why, but, for the first time in my life,
I wished that someone would have said
you have your father’s face
Croque-Melpomene 