there she is | a poem

the first thing I saw

was the past in her face

the past hanging around her throat

the past stored away in every piece of her body

that held mine

held on to mine

to keep me safe

but I reflect what I see

and grow out of it

as much as I can

without words

but there are houses that lock us in

fears that tell us not to leave

doubts that tell us everything’s okay

memories are shards within her body

and I exit hers

my skin across the shards

blood on me

I smell my forefathers

the houses inhabited

the mouths kept still

my body is a shard

that is taught to

go against myself

cut me into shape and obedience

self-mutilation

silence

fingertips in my hair

I study her face

and I am scared of what I’ll look like

if I wipe everything off