De-intensifying The Body’s Wound Through The Repetition Of Images

Sometimes when I’m asleep,

My mind is still letting the truth

Sink in, in images, of you, the

Horror of it all, how I am with

Your body, the eyes are not entirely

Closed and I perpetuate a sense of false

Hope, try to catch it, hold it, but I see you

There and I know, my heart is broken, I know,

My brain puts you in a different state, everything

Is shifted, but the core truth is there, the surroundings

Are different. I see you lying there.

I conjure up hope but I am so afraid.

 

Afraid that what I am looking at is the truth,

That I lost you, that you are dead, that our

Time together has run out without my consent,

That I will never connect with you the way we used

To, that I’m here, without you, an erased future,

I feel older, as if some of my own time has been taken

Away. You were younger. My mind led me to the horror

And in an absurd twist, you sat up abruptly and you were

A little boy again, still dead, but somehow alive as if

You left your dead body as a young boy and I saw it

Happen as I was sleeping, I faced the body you

Left, I saw it, hundreds of times my mind showed me

Your face, your cold hard forehead, the smell of your embalmed hands,

On my hands, my darling, on my lips, I put my warmth

Into you and no matter how terrifying it was, I was with you,

I managed to touch you, be there with you, so close

To you, my beautiful little brother, I knew that at that point

You already were in a better place.