I knew that I had to stop looking for you
Eventually, comprehend that you would
Never call me again in the same way and
Learn that you exist in every single little
Particle of my skin instead.
I stare at my open bedroom door and imagine
You walking in, smiling, your hesitant steps,
Your scent, coming closer to me and your voice
Reaches my memory again and I don’t want to let
It go, the familiarity and warmth it possesses.
I know that you are where you wanted to be,
That you contemplated over your escape route
For a long time, waiting, sleeping, wanting to
Disappear, disengage, and nobody could hold
You back. He reached out his hand to you in
Your dreams and you ran towards him and
Made a promise.
I’ve seen you across the wet grass and earth,
Sinking in, a blanket of ash, glistening, in my eyes,
I felt you dancing, freed, delirious, part-memory,
Partly present, ever-expanding, your blue eyes
Looking at my face, your skin, evaporated, burnt,
Fresh air, moving, and I recall the safety of your chest.